Dreams

What do you do when about a quarter of your life has already gone by and you are still living with that nagging feeling that somehow, somewhere, there is something else that should you be doing..

Something that has always been there at the back of your head, something that makes your heart jump whenever you think of it or hear about it, something that makes you feel like taking a step towards it on those rare days when you had that sudden surge of boldness. Or a sudden surge of pent-up frustration at your current status quo.

In short, that something has always been in you, it has never really died, it's just... there.

Are you, perhaps, an entrepreneur who is caught in the frustrating cycle of trying to find 'a job that fits'.. because everytime the entrepreneur in you tries to make himself heard, he is drowned by seemingly undisputable logic and realities.

"How do you survive without a steady paycheque when you have a car and house to pay off?"
"What if you spend time and resources and in the end the venture does not take off?" "What if.."
"It's too hard..." "The price of failure is just too high.."

Maybe you're a closet writer. You dream of seeing your bylines, of getting a book published, of the joys of interacting with your readers at a 'meet-the-author' session, the satisfaction of hearing them tell you how much they have enjoyed your creative labour of love.

Your high school teachers told you that you had it in you. You enjoyed writing your essays as much as they enjoyed marking them. Friends sought you out when they didn't know how to string a sentence together, and you were always more than happy to help them.

Fast forward into adulthood, after a few rejections from a few publishers you gave up and stopped working on book proposals so that you would have time to write job application letters.

But the writer in you never dies. And every now and then, he reminds you of his existence.

But your work commitments are just too heavy, you can't find the time, and you're not sure if you would want to leave the comfort zone that you have created over the years.

So you plod on in your daily existence.. and life is OK in general.. it's just that somehow you never become really immune to that nagging feeling, to that voice from deep within that keeps reminding you of that 'something else' that you should perhaps be doing...

Is there any comfort in knowing that you are most probably not alone in this sort of dilemma? The world is so structured, 'acceptable' mindsets so deeply ingrained and norms so powerful that individual dreams and callings are relegated to 'hobbies', 'part-time work', 'post-retirement plans'.. or worse, they remain just as they started.

As dreams.